Jasmine Hart

Hi, Welcome to YWS! You handle the form really nicely. I'd change "A" to "For" because I think that makes more sense. I think I'd also change "theirs" to "his". ...

Hi Rosey, Your imagery is beautiful and this flows really nicely. The form works really well with the piece. I love; "time-worn comfort like a mother's womb, the place hidden ...

Hi, I really love the first one. The image is very strong and "Sweet syrup, dry leaves" is a brilliant line. I'd change "peaceful" to something more concrete and descriptive ...

Hi, I really love your use of rhyme here. It's very effective. I think that the first stanza is a bit vague and instead I'd focus on imagery, how the ...

Laurel I wished that my siblings would stop being so traditional and just get a phone! "We won't embrace human technology Laurel," Willow told me, "if you want to be ...

Hey, I'd like to take Laurel if that's ok. Name: Laurel Age:14 Gender: Female Appearance: Laurel has wine-red hair which reaches to her chin, and small grey eyes. She is ...

Hey Matt, This flows nicely and I really love the repetition of the "o" sound in "smoke and soak". I think that; [deleted] is a bit weak and sounds a ...

I agree, I'd start with short stories to build discipline and improve your writing before you devote a lot of time to a novel. I'd also read short stories if ...

It's definitely not wrong if it works for you. I'd be the same, I only take a few minutes to write a poem, I find I have to get it ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. I really enjoyed this, it was very clever and funny. I really loved; "the softly flowing flesh around his middle ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. I love the rhyme in this piece, it's very effective. I love; "And you can't break the chapters". This is ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. This flows really easily and your imagery is very vivid and effective. The first line is powerful and really drew ...

Thanks so much everyone. I've made a couple of changes and may revisit this again. I really appreciate your comments and suggestions. Jas

Hi, This flows beautifully. I think that the first three lines are a bit abstract so I'd try a more specific image, like the lovely images of the mother and ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. I really enjoyed how this progressed from beginning to end, and your imagery is very effective. I'd change the first ...